#5 Too Hungover
And I’m dealing with a doozy right now, to boot. Now, I know I’ve mentioned before that I’m prone to have my imagination fired when I’m hungover, drunk or tired but, like a couple of the other numbers on this list, that is often also the problem. I rarely get any wild ideas for writing when I’m just drifting off with nothing more on the agenda for the following day than some errands or (hey!) some writing. Oh no, I get reams of prose rattling around in my head when I’m yearning for sleep at 2AM and have to be up at 6AM for the biggest match in the history of everything ever. And when the wind of reason from being fully awake (and just getting the word that we are getting tonked 4-0 by Wolves. At half-time.) blows the wooly-headed, idealistic and romantic notions out of my mind, I’m often struck with the realisation that that ‘clever’ wording was just pretentious.
#4 The Internet
I would love to write for Cracked.com. Their articles are the perfect blend of geeky reminiscence and childish humour that pushes my buttons. And that’s the problem. I often ‘fall down an internet hole’ at their site and don’t resurface for hours. Doing ‘research’ (and I use the term lightly) for some of my reviews/rants often finds me browsing away entire afternoons on IMDB, Wikipedia, YouTube, etc. And so much of it hyperlinks to even more stuff I’m interested in. I didn’t know, for instance, that noted cinematographer Vilmos Zsigmond worked on “The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies”. Thanks to the glory of the Interwebs, now I do. And so do you. I am strangely compelled to remember utterly useless trivia and little of any real importance, so this kind of thing is like Catnip for me. It’s a vast, almost unending, goldmine of stuff that links to other stuff and it doesn’t take much effort to get hopelessly lost in it and miles away from where you started. Probably because I might be:
#3 OCD/ADD
Whatever you want to call it – and I stress I’ve never been diagnosed with either and I’m not about to take the piss – but I will be on my way to write, notice a dust bunny and spend an hour tidying up/cleaning. Not that my apartment is spotless, mind (see #’s 5 and 1).
#2 Video Games
Especially Half-Life 2 and Pro Evo/FIFA. Anything that involves winning the Champions League with Forest* or the wholesale slaughter of Aliens, Nazis or Tangos with ever more exotic weaponry. I can while away hours on such stuff. I don’t play RPGs, Management Games or Sims though, because of #3. Naturally.
*This has actually happened. Twice. Except in those days it was called the ‘European Cup’ and you actually had to win something first to enter, as opposed to coming fourth in a four horse race. I will never tire of telling you this.
#1 I’m Lazy
Often, astonishingly so. I felt a bit peckish, so I thought I’d make some soup. This involved the arduous task of washing up a saucepan. So I skipped it. Want a cupboard/door closed with a foot? I’m your man.
I swear I’m going to write something tomorrow. It might even make some sort of sense. But don’t hold your breath. Either way, this nonsense is over 500 words, so that’ll do for now.
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